Tuesday, December 09, 2008

Entering the black world

Entering a black world,
a world full of sadness,
a world of darkness,
a world of emptiness,
a world where no one cares about it,
a world where no one realise about it's existence.

a world that make it's heart
become sour and slowly turning to black
and it break into pieces and pieces.

a world where the days passes by,
the more darker it is,
the more emptiness it is,

and slowly it will be a dark and bloody Gothic world.

UNTIL someone notices it...
UNTIL someone pulls it out from that black world...

Wednesday, November 05, 2008

I think that is what they mean by love.

Is been a very long time i didn't write anything on my blog. I had been very busy since i started working or i think i had been busy once after finish my diploma in multimedia design. There had been lots of things happen to me from the last time i wrote my blog until now. Lot of things to tell, but i don't know where to start, where to beginning. I'll just start recently topic for me.

Recently i feel that me, myself very un-stable, un-stable on everything of what i do; un-stable on everything of whats my brain is thinking of after that incident. I thought it was perfect but end up with a broken puzzle. I thought is a happy ending but end up is a misery for me. If i have the power to turn back time, i'll really will. To repair the mistake i make, to clear things out, to treasure more to what i have then.

Recalling from the day started, your graceful smile, your softly voice had been melted my heart away from the first day we met. I recall the wonderful things that we did together, the splendid time that we spend together, i will never ever forget it. Is my mistake to let you go, is my mistake that i didn't pull back. I really are madly deeply falling in love with you and i really wish not to let it go.

Recalling the time during clubs, recalling the times having monthly anniversaries, recalling the astro event we had been thru, recalling the time we had spend to much together, recalling the time we having holidays together. The more i recall, the more regret i am now. The more i recall, the more stupid i feel myself are.

Recently i saw some of the pictures, i feel so worried about her, my heart getting more pain and this is what i'm feeling from the day i lost that particular piece from my heart until now. Day by day, night by night, i kept thinking about her. The more i think about her, the more sour my heart is. I think that is what they mean by love. Feeling un-easy when your partner is not around with you, feeling very worried when your partner going out with friends even-dough you know her friends, feeling down when your partner having a problem, speeding all the way when your partner is in danger even-dough you don't know the way, feeling un-easy when your partner didn't call you, feeling happy yet joyful when your partner with you. feeling the warm when your partner hug you tightly and never let go.

I think that is what they mean by love.

i really treasure of what i have then but now is all gone. I really wish that i really can turn back time and change everything i done, everything i had cause, everything un-happy things i made. I really wish I can start all over again from the first day we start our path, start our journey. I really regret not pulling you back.

I wish I can cry,
I wish I can drunk,
But, I can't.
Every call I received,
Every message I received,
I hope was you.
I can't stop thinking about you!

Friday, December 14, 2007

I don't know why...

I'm feeling very down this feel days and i don't know why. But how could this happen to me? Now i'm a bit sober because just only drank one full cup of Absolute Vocka on the rock. suddenly feel like want to cry but i can't and i don't know why...

Monday, October 29, 2007

Working Life In Astro

Although no need to work overnight in this company but still need to work late or goes to work very early in the morning. Because there are still rush jobs to meet deadlines. I know is been a long time that i didn't write any blog in here because of work.

But still, i have fun and joy in this company, lucky to know lots of colleagues, yet can see stars too just like last week.
i saw three Hong Kong Artist in Astro right in front of my eyes, standing in front of me. but because we have to act professional, i didn't not take their photos. At least i have the chance to meet them. (^.^)

Jobs are getting more and more during year ends as you know, Raya just past, Depavali is on the way and Christmas too. Not only that, for the past week months we are rushing out 7 new channels as you all know and repackage whole Astro package. But that was the plan and is going smoothly, suddenly, this Angkasawan came in and bang one another. 7 new channels and Repackaging is already been rush, but as Angkasawan came in, we cannot say no because is sponsor by the government, so we purposely create a 24 hours live channel (so call) because of this one person. Things in Astro is getting more rush because of promoting this channel and this guy. More hectic, more stress, more tension, more tired too...

Anyway, i got nothing more to write because i don't want to write, so my keyboard will stop here.
Getting sleepy now, under medication.

Sunday, July 01, 2007

Working life recently

Working life currently is getting more pack and pack, have to work day and night. But, sometimes there's nothing to do during the day but tons of work to rush during the night. As you all know, i had been taking a full time job during the day and freelance job during the night if there's some. for the pass few weeks, i had been sleeping late at night and wake up early to work as in like i slept at 3 something, woke up at 8 something or i slept at 4 something, woke up at 8 something and i also tried sleeping at 5 something and also woke up
at 8 something in the morning to work.

That why during working hours, i had been drinking at least two to three cups of nescafe in a day. And as you all know, i do smoke, and i had been a quite controlled heavy smoker or chain smoker for the past few weeks. because of these day and night jobs.

But sometimes, during office hours, i got nothing to do but still i cannot rest or sleep in the office as you all know office mar, some more Astro, so freaking big company with all the creative directors around, all supervisor around, CEO, CFO, COOO, ...etc. So for the pass few weeks i was working like a ghost or floating around like a ghost. I don't know whether you all understand my descripion or not because until now, i'm still doing work at 2.21 in the morning, which have to preview to client tomorrow.

You all would be wondering, why am I want to take a freelance job to do, i know is not heatlhy, i know Astro giving a good pay, but so we all started working, a single payment sometimes is not enough, As we go on, we have more and more burden on our shoulders which related with money.

For example, my case, i got my own car which my father bought it for me and is also a third hand or fourth hand car, money for servicing, for fuel, topup credit for phone, food, money for parents, to buy stuff, to buy your own clothes, touch and go, so on and so forth. I also need to cover my car insurance and also my car road tax. The amount of money i had been used up a month, is too much, i can't really have my saving growing and my aim is to change a better car which can drive for like 5 to 10 years by end of this year or early of next year.

I'm actually quite tired and needed a day off or two or go for vacation to rest but i can't because schedule for work is getting pack and pack. I don't know whether my supervisor come beside me and said to me that " "i need to to do this but i want it as soon as possible, if possible by today" this is the worst case that my supervisor will said to me and i'm a graphic designer and have to start everything from the beginning.

anyway, i have to continue my un-finish work, so i had to stop here.

Sunday, May 13, 2007

My life currently...

Is been a very very long time i didn't type anything in this blog. Very sorry because i got no time to blog for past few months, not even got time to go for windows shopping for past two months..

Anyway, this is how my life currently goes...

i had stop working in Pixel Post post production company two months ago because was too hyper active, too fun to work with although Pixel Post's boss was very friendly, i prefer to change job because of loooooong hours working and leeeess hour sleeping. Further more, fortunately i don't have a girlfriend yet, if not i'll will be single when i enter that company. For your infomation, I had change from that company to Astro.

Working in Astro is much much more easier life and the best thing is, no need to work overnight. i tried the latest i tried was until 10 something or 11 something at night. Life was much much more easier. And i was the youngest stuff in that floor i'm currently working on. Working in Astro was fun, for example, my whole department help me to celebrate my 21 birthday in Astro's meeting room. is a cool thing. They bought chocolate brownish for me, not a small one which cost RM 5 something but the whole cake which cost... i don't know how much was it. Anyway, it was a surprise. The next time right after finishing the cakes, i have to rush things out before i went back home.

Ooya, once a week, we have a meeting about progression work, what's new things that we need to do, and during the meeting, we had a nice meal which Creative Director paid for. Sometimes we had sandwich, sometimes we had chicken chop, even sometimes we had lamp chop too. we seriously have a very nice Creative Director. And, our Creative Director is Canadian, he is a funny guy but serious on work.

The employee and employer are friendly Astro, i met quite a lot of people in Astro, even from different department. I saw Rudy, JJ, Ian, Jakeman, Adam, Serena C, Jason Lo from Hitz FM. i met Rudy and JJ and they were quite funny as they were in radio station. i saw Malaysian artist too as they walk by me like Aznil from the host Akademi Fantasia, Ah Pek from Cicak Man, One Buck Short which is a Malaysian band, Daniel Lee, Malaysian Idol, Pop Shuvit which is the Malaysian Linkin Park, and lots more. And i did saw a single from Hong Kong, Jacky Chueng, coming in Astro main entrance.

Anyway, I work with a lot of producer which they are funny and helpful. Some of them knows that i'm single, then call me to go after this girl lar, that girl lar, ask me working so long in Astro still got no target yet?

Haa haa haa, what i can do if i like one of them? i think for them, age does matter gua.. who knows? only they knows i don't know. Although tons of people said that age is not a problem, weight is not a presurre, height is not a distance, but still i don't know what are they thinking. (^.^)

Anyway, I think that's all about today, and is getting very late. i have to sleep as tomorrow have to wake up and work. -.-"

Friday, February 23, 2007

Dream About You

I dream about you few months ago as we are dancing together, as we are walking together. But I don't really know whether is that you? I can't see the real face of who i'm with but it was a nice dream.

Last night i dream about you and we are still together, as we are closer to each other. And this time i know is you. In the dream, i look into her crystal eyes, feel your warmly touch, as she lay her head comfortably on my shoudler.

When is this going to happen? Why is this always happen to me where there's already can be real in dreams but not real in the real world? The dream that i dreamt is almost real. I can feel your touch and I can feel your warm but why I can't feel your touch nor your warm in the real world?

Why is it hard to fall in love with the person you truly love? Why there's a gap between us? I just need a sign. Just one sign is all i need.

I had missed my chance that day when we were dancing together. I should have act fast. I did ask my friends for advise and they said that i'm very stupid and slow reaction, why shouldn't i react fast on that time, now don't know whether she's still been tackled or not.

I had missed my chance and i'm very very regretted until now.