Intangible Journey

Entering the black world

2008-12-09T09:08:00.000-08:00

Entering a black world,
a world full of sadness,
a world of darkness,
a world of emptiness,
a world where no one cares about it,
a world where no one realise about it's existence.

a world that make it's heart
become sour and slowly turning to black
and it break into pieces and pieces.

a world where the days passes by,
the more darker it is,
the more emptiness it is,

and slowly it will be a dark and bloody Gothic world.

UNTIL someone notices it...
UNTIL someone pulls it out from that black world...

2008-12-09T07:58:00.000-08:00

I think that is what they mean by love.

2008-11-05T10:22:00.000-08:00

Is been a very long time i didn't write anything on my blog. I had been very busy since i started working or i think i had been busy once after finish my diploma in multimedia design. There had been lots of things happen to me from the last time i wrote my blog until now. Lot of things to tell, but i don't know where to start, where to beginning. I'll just start recently topic for me.

Recently i feel that me, myself very un-stable, un-stable on everything of what i do; un-stable on everything of whats my brain is thinking of after that incident. I thought it was perfect but end up with a broken puzzle. I thought is a happy ending but end up is a misery for me. If i have the power to turn back time, i'll really will. To repair the mistake i make, to clear things out, to treasure more to what i have then.

Recalling from the day started, your graceful smile, your softly voice had been melted my heart away from the first day we met. I recall the wonderful things that we did together, the splendid time that we spend together, i will never ever forget it. Is my mistake to let you go, is my mistake that i didn't pull back. I really are madly deeply falling in love with you and i really wish not to let it go.

Recalling the time during clubs, recalling the times having monthly anniversaries, recalling the astro event we had been thru, recalling the time we had spend to much together, recalling the time we having holidays together. The more i recall, the more regret i am now. The more i recall, the more stupid i feel myself are.

Recently i saw some of the pictures, i feel so worried about her, my heart getting more pain and this is what i'm feeling from the day i lost that particular piece from my heart until now. Day by day, night by night, i kept thinking about her. The more i think about her, the more sour my heart is. I think that is what they mean by love. Feeling un-easy when your partner is not around with you, feeling very worried when your partner going out with friends even-dough you know her friends, feeling down when your partner having a problem, speeding all the way when your partner is in danger even-dough you don't know the way, feeling un-easy when your partner didn't call you, feeling happy yet joyful when your partner with you. feeling the warm when your partner hug you tightly and never let go.

I think that is what they mean by love.

i really treasure of what i have then but now is all gone. I really wish that i really can turn back time and change everything i done, everything i had cause, everything un-happy things i made. I really wish I can start all over again from the first day we start our path, start our journey. I really regret not pulling you back.

I wish I can cry,
I wish I can drunk,
But, I can't.
Every call I received,
Every message I received,
I hope was you.
I can't stop thinking about you!

I don't know why...

2007-12-14T11:54:00.000-08:00

I'm feeling very down this feel days and i don't know why. But how could this happen to me? Now i'm a bit sober because just only drank one full cup of Absolute Vocka on the rock. suddenly feel like want to cry but i can't and i don't know why...

Working Life In Astro

2007-10-29T10:23:00.000-07:00

Although no need to work overnight in this company but still need to work late or goes to work very early in the morning. Because there are still rush jobs to meet deadlines. I know is been a long time that i didn't write any blog in here because of work.

But still, i have fun and joy in this company, lucky to know lots of colleagues, yet can see stars too just like last week.
i saw three Hong Kong Artist in Astro right in front of my eyes, standing in front of me. but because we have to act professional, i didn't not take their photos. At least i have the chance to meet them. (^.^)

Jobs are getting more and more during year ends as you know, Raya just past, Depavali is on the way and Christmas too. Not only that, for the past week months we are rushing out 7 new channels as you all know and repackage whole Astro package. But that was the plan and is going smoothly, suddenly, this Angkasawan came in and bang one another. 7 new channels and Repackaging is already been rush, but as Angkasawan came in, we cannot say no because is sponsor by the government, so we purposely create a 24 hours live channel (so call) because of this one person. Things in Astro is getting more rush because of promoting this channel and this guy. More hectic, more stress, more tension, more tired too...

Anyway, i got nothing more to write because i don't want to write, so my keyboard will stop here.
Getting sleepy now, under medication.

Working life recently

2007-07-01T11:06:00.000-07:00

Working life currently is getting more pack and pack, have to work day and night. But, sometimes there's nothing to do during the day but tons of work to rush during the night. As you all know, i had been taking a full time job during the day and freelance job during the night if there's some. for the pass few weeks, i had been sleeping late at night and wake up early to work as in like i slept at 3 something, woke up at 8 something or i slept at 4 something, woke up at 8 something and i also tried sleeping at 5 something and also woke up
at 8 something in the morning to work.

That why during working hours, i had been drinking at least two to three cups of nescafe in a day. And as you all know, i do smoke, and i had been a quite controlled heavy smoker or chain smoker for the past few weeks. because of these day and night jobs.

But sometimes, during office hours, i got nothing to do but still i cannot rest or sleep in the office as you all know office mar, some more Astro, so freaking big company with all the creative directors around, all supervisor around, CEO, CFO, COOO, ...etc. So for the pass few weeks i was working like a ghost or floating around like a ghost. I don't know whether you all understand my descripion or not because until now, i'm still doing work at 2.21 in the morning, which have to preview to client tomorrow.

You all would be wondering, why am I want to take a freelance job to do, i know is not heatlhy, i know Astro giving a good pay, but so we all started working, a single payment sometimes is not enough, As we go on, we have more and more burden on our shoulders which related with money.

For example, my case, i got my own car which my father bought it for me and is also a third hand or fourth hand car, money for servicing, for fuel, topup credit for phone, food, money for parents, to buy stuff, to buy your own clothes, touch and go, so on and so forth. I also need to cover my car insurance and also my car road tax. The amount of money i had been used up a month, is too much, i can't really have my saving growing and my aim is to change a better car which can drive for like 5 to 10 years by end of this year or early of next year.

I'm actually quite tired and needed a day off or two or go for vacation to rest but i can't because schedule for work is getting pack and pack. I don't know whether my supervisor come beside me and said to me that " "i need to to do this but i want it as soon as possible, if possible by today" this is the worst case that my supervisor will said to me and i'm a graphic designer and have to start everything from the beginning.

anyway, i have to continue my un-finish work, so i had to stop here.

My life currently...

2007-05-13T11:11:00.000-07:00

Is been a very very long time i didn't type anything in this blog. Very sorry because i got no time to blog for past few months, not even got time to go for windows shopping for past two months..

Anyway, this is how my life currently goes...

i had stop working in Pixel Post post production company two months ago because was too hyper active, too fun to work with although Pixel Post's boss was very friendly, i prefer to change job because of loooooong hours working and leeeess hour sleeping. Further more, fortunately i don't have a girlfriend yet, if not i'll will be single when i enter that company. For your infomation, I had change from that company to Astro.

Working in Astro is much much more easier life and the best thing is, no need to work overnight. i tried the latest i tried was until 10 something or 11 something at night. Life was much much more easier. And i was the youngest stuff in that floor i'm currently working on. Working in Astro was fun, for example, my whole department help me to celebrate my 21 birthday in Astro's meeting room. is a cool thing. They bought chocolate brownish for me, not a small one which cost RM 5 something but the whole cake which cost... i don't know how much was it. Anyway, it was a surprise. The next time right after finishing the cakes, i have to rush things out before i went back home.

Ooya, once a week, we have a meeting about progression work, what's new things that we need to do, and during the meeting, we had a nice meal which Creative Director paid for. Sometimes we had sandwich, sometimes we had chicken chop, even sometimes we had lamp chop too. we seriously have a very nice Creative Director. And, our Creative Director is Canadian, he is a funny guy but serious on work.

The employee and employer are friendly Astro, i met quite a lot of people in Astro, even from different department. I saw Rudy, JJ, Ian, Jakeman, Adam, Serena C, Jason Lo from Hitz FM. i met Rudy and JJ and they were quite funny as they were in radio station. i saw Malaysian artist too as they walk by me like Aznil from the host Akademi Fantasia, Ah Pek from Cicak Man, One Buck Short which is a Malaysian band, Daniel Lee, Malaysian Idol, Pop Shuvit which is the Malaysian Linkin Park, and lots more. And i did saw a single from Hong Kong, Jacky Chueng, coming in Astro main entrance.

Anyway, I work with a lot of producer which they are funny and helpful. Some of them knows that i'm single, then call me to go after this girl lar, that girl lar, ask me working so long in Astro still got no target yet?

Haa haa haa, what i can do if i like one of them? i think for them, age does matter gua.. who knows? only they knows i don't know. Although tons of people said that age is not a problem, weight is not a presurre, height is not a distance, but still i don't know what are they thinking. (^.^)

Anyway, I think that's all about today, and is getting very late. i have to sleep as tomorrow have to wake up and work. -.-"

Dream About You

2007-02-23T19:18:00.000-08:00

I dream about you few months ago as we are dancing together, as we are walking together. But I don't really know whether is that you? I can't see the real face of who i'm with but it was a nice dream.

Last night i dream about you and we are still together, as we are closer to each other. And this time i know is you. In the dream, i look into her crystal eyes, feel your warmly touch, as she lay her head comfortably on my shoudler.

When is this going to happen? Why is this always happen to me where there's already can be real in dreams but not real in the real world? The dream that i dreamt is almost real. I can feel your touch and I can feel your warm but why I can't feel your touch nor your warm in the real world?

Why is it hard to fall in love with the person you truly love? Why there's a gap between us? I just need a sign. Just one sign is all i need.

I had missed my chance that day when we were dancing together. I should have act fast. I did ask my friends for advise and they said that i'm very stupid and slow reaction, why shouldn't i react fast on that time, now don't know whether she's still been tackled or not.

I had missed my chance and i'm very very regretted until now.

WHY AM I SO STUPID AND SO SLOW REACTION?????

I had already broke my own record..

2007-02-02T18:56:00.000-08:00

Is a hell of a job where i'm working now. Last time was 72 hours, three days three nights. Recently slowly becoming four days four nights. And now, which i'm currently still in office, which already five days and four nights already since from Tuesday until now, which is Saturday. How am i going to survivie? wearing the same clothing and especially same underwear for five days and four nights and without brushing teeth and all. I don't know whether I still can survive in this working life style or not. If i can survive this kind of job, i also don't know whether my small little brother will or not.. -.- now i'm getting more and more blur and talking crap. I think i better stop typing blog for now because too stressful, too tiring.

72 HOURS

2007-01-18T11:34:00.000-08:00

I had been not 24, not 48 but 72 hours non-stop working, three days in a row, this week and last week. Is been a very hectic work for me. Further more, working non-stop for 72 hours for this week and last week because o working on the same project. I'm already tired yet stressful and blur, very blur i don't know how long i can stay in this office.

My colleagues went back for a bath then come back to continue our work. I wish to go back home and bath but my house is much further than them. i need at least half and hour journey from office going back to house, haven't count going back to office.

I really wish i can get a very very good rest after this project rushing finish. Really wish to get this project done as fast as possible, as soon as possible. The more i stay in office working non-stop, the more slim i'll become and i don't know whether this is a good sign or not. Get pay and get slim OR Get pay and get more work.

I seriously got no freedom at all these days, always stay in office. No time to accompany my mother at home, no time to go out with friends shopping, have drinks or clubbing or any outing. If i got a girlfriend before i started working, my girlfriend surely will be breaking up with me because of time and work. BUT, is also a hard time for me to find a girlfriend now because again, time and work. The amount of work had used up all my personal time, even the time to sleep too. That's why i'm still awake at this time, 3.51am, 19 Jan 2007.

What people said, build up your carrier then only find girlfriend, carrier come first then only girlfriend comes second. I'm thinking, why can't i put carrier and girlfriend at the first place? Why can't people do multi-tasking? can focus two at one time or even more. Some people said are true, we can do multi-tasking but will be distracted very easily because we are not too focus on one particular thing, problem or object.

But, when we do every task, are we focus on it? most probably No, because will be distracted. For example: a group of boys playing basketball in a garden on a court, suddenly a group of girls walk passed slowly beside the court while solving their problem. What are the boys reaction?

boy A : " Piss, chun chick coming at your 8 o'clock "
boy B : " Which one? "
boy A : " That one ... "

As they were peeking, thier opponent only enter one point because they were not focus on the game.
Or

girl C : " Wow, that boy is cute "
girl D : " Which one? "
girl C : " That one near the board "
girl E : " Hey, we are not taking cute boys playing basketball for exam, please focus on our problem here.

So, am i right?

That ain't the point, that are not important. The important thing is, i'm too tired, too stressful to work now. If i continue working like this condition, i'll be very easy to get distracted.

Working Life

2007-01-16T01:24:00.000-08:00

After graduation, i went back to the company where i were internship in. Working life is hard, working more than 12 hours a day, some of the days have to overnight because of all those rushing work. For a designer like me in the company started at 10 and finish don't know time.

Last week i had work more then 100hours in the office from sunday until sunday midnight. overnight in office for maximum two nights non-stop for two times, it was very tiring indeed. There are stressful yet tiring time and there are also joyful and relaxing time in the office too. Such as,drink beer in the office, playing PS2 in the office while relaxing. Boss also join in to drink and play too. That's was enjoying, but i had been facing around 20 hours a day in front of the computer. Isn't it stressful.

Further more i have to think about the animation, the design, all creative part and have to change all those for client's needs. Some clients are easy to please, but some of the client are very very hectic. I just met one of the client which gave us the first piece for us to do, then revised and revised again until is final then they said they want the second piece. All the hard work that we done went down the drain just like that and have to start all over again. That kind of feeling making me very pissed. Because we had been overnight in the office just to finish the work that they gave then revised and revised and end up they want the second piece instand of the first one.

We are not machines, IF we are machines, we have to shutdown or restart because machines can be hot and also slow down when working long hours. Maybe Power machine won't but we are not power machines. And we are not even machines. They think that the video were in library, is already in presents, just drag out and is final art. Clients are too smart to be smart.

Like last Sunday, working from Saturday until Sunday then going for my friend's birthday dinner then went back to office to continue finishing work. My office is in Bandar Damansara Perdana, and my friend's birthday dinner was in Sri Petaling. You all will be wondering about, why i must attend my friend's birthday dinner yet is so far from Damansara? Because is a 21st Birthday, i won't missed it although how far is it, is better to be late than not attend at all. Or another reason is, i don't know the way so i can't come.

Anyway, Happy Belated Birthday, Wen Ching, Camilia, Christopher, Yi-hua and Pui Leng which falls on 9, 14 and 15 January. May your wishes come true.

Back to topic, this is how my working life goes. So, if anyone want to call me out for movies or anything, please infrom me earlier so i can arrange my time.

And another thing, where is hell is my graduation night? they said this year will fall in April. Hopefully is not falling on my birthday. Once started working life like mine, you'll miss your all your friends, even though most you were not close to.

time goes by..

2006-11-30T09:10:00.000-08:00

Is about time that i blog something in...
It was a very stupid month for me.

My computer been struck by holy lighting from heaven when my computer not even on and end up my computer crash from heaven and went to Holland. -.-" My motherboard is been burned.. argh!!! what a tragidy. And end up i have to go for heart transplant. All the boards the holy lighting didn't strike but the holy lighting strike the most expensive boards in the system. which is the MOTHERBOARD. further more, my motherboard is the last badge of that generation.

IF i do a heart transplant which replace a cheaper haert, my computer can easily get a heart attack and end up re-starting by itself although is cheap.
IF i do a heart transplant which replace with a newer heart, my computer have to change the procesor, the RAM and the graphic card which cost me high budget.

I have to buy a new heart because i'm urgent to use my computer because a few projects are coming in for me. So end up buying a new board with a pair of new procesor, a RAM and a graphic card. It cost 1.6k. is very expensive but there is not other choices for me because of the line i'm in. Diploma in Multimedia Design.

Is a very hard time for me to find things to do when my computer was not around with me for a week. and yet is not returning and end up the old heart went to Holland and a new heart came from factory.

Raya Promo Week

2006-10-16T00:22:00.000-07:00

Is been a while i didn't blog already. so have to clean up my blog, swap away the spider web. Another thing, is a very busy week for me last week, rushing a Raya Promo for Astro Ria, channel 4. Is been a week i had been rushing to finish and finalise the Raya Promo. By the way, the promo's brief was giving last monday and they want it by coming monday, which is today (16.10.06). and i only can work at night in my friend's house because all the footage and computer is in my friend's house. my computer just had a major re-format and haven't finish install yet. That's why i my showreel for me to look for work is still pending. I have to buy those CDs to finish my last touch.

Anyway, continue with the Raya Promo, i had been working all night from monday until sunday night. And every night sleep very very early as in 6.30 in the morning, 7.30 in the morning even 8.00 in the morning.
i slept at 6.30am on Monday, 7.30am on Tuesday, 6.00am on Wednesday, 8.00am on Thursday, 5.45am on Friday and 5.00am on Sunday. I did't even sleep on Saturday because i got appointment with my friends at 8.00am in the morning and got home at 7.00am.

On that day, we ice-skating in Sunway Pyramid and surprisingly was RM16.00 per entry and is on weekends althought the first time i when in was RM14.00 per entry and is only weekdays. After that they increase to RM19.00 per entry on weekdays. RM16 per entry on weekends? is very reasonable because normal was RM19.00 for whole day. Wanted to go for it again.

So, back to the topic, Raya Promo. Sunday i was rushing that promo so can finish rendering in time to hand in to Astro itself. hopefully got no mistakes and smoothly pass everything and hopefully and see it on air by tuesday, 17.10.06 in channel 4, Channel 4, Astro.

This is the hardest things to do becau this project i'm the only one who are doing that jobs. The sleepyness is in citical. necause i sleep two hours everyday. Until when i'm eating halg way also can sleep.

Anywaym until here that's all i can say.

Last Day In College ( 28 September 2006 )

2006-09-27T00:31:00.000-07:00

Today is my last day in college, i feel like the time pass very very slow today, waiting for my turn for assessment and end up i'm the last person to be assess. -.- I'm already very tired and now i feel sleepy. and my friend still in the room assessing. after this, the assessor will take a break, and two more my other friends go into the room to assess. that takes at least three hours and now already 3.30pm. haiz.... i don't know how long i still can stand. -.-"

after today, i'm free......from college assignments and projects and start worried about finding work and also my my marks for assessment.

Streamyx SUCKS!!!!

2006-08-13T20:37:00.000-07:00

Is been a week i didn't online at home and i can't even online at home because my house's streamyx is not working. I had called streamyx hotline and she said will sent people to check my modem but until now still no one, no people from streamyx company come and fix my modem...

Fuck streamyx... Streamyx SUCKS!!!, Streamyx service SUCKS...
if is working the line connection is slow!!

paying 88 per month for nothing.. how are they going to do business like that..

very very disappointed.

Incident happen thru out a month

2006-07-27T00:02:00.000-07:00

Is been more than a month didn't write this blog. I bet there are spider web in this blog around the corner some where. i just couldn't find them and clean it off. Sorry to say but i seriously got no time for blog these days because having final semester this feew months. Hopefully can finish as fast as possible, so no need to stay in this cheap college.

Things happen these days, i'm currently doing a Music Video for Mawi, the malay singer from Akademi Fantasia and of course with payment. I can't manage it alone although is a month project. I'm not a professional yet and i'm still a college student. My friend and i, two person are doing this freelance job. He came out with the designs and i animate the graphics and camera. Is been a hard time animate the camera because it is... hard? Anyway, until now still got 50% to finish the whole Music Video for my part only and i don't know how many percent my friend need to composite this Music Video.

Beside that, i bought a Levi's jeans worth RM 223.00 new release, latest design. Not for me but for my elder brother. Is been a hard time thinking what to buy for him, whether thinking of buying a Swatch watch for him or any other things. But for buying Swatch for him, he already had two and i had.... 'none'. Yet those Swatch are his pass birthday presents. So, in the end, i didn't buy Swatch for him. Then when i go down KL with my college mate which wanted to see I-max movie but the movie that we want show in 2D in I-max. So we walk around Law Yat Plaza to buy computer stuff. When we sat down in Star Bucks which located in Law Yat, I told my college mate to walk around to find for my brother's present in Sungei Wang and i end up buying a Levi's jeans for my brother.

When my brother tested out which i was out to my high school helping and guide them for their coming Exhibition day, my brother sms me ' thank you very much for your present, is too expensive for me to accept it but i had to change the size because it doesn't fit' this is what he type in sms. So the next day two of us when down KL just to change the jeans and went to Midvalley to have dinner there then only come back. Other than eating dinner, actually need to fetch our sister back from Midvalley too.

After that didn't really happen but until the first day of chinese ghost month. Eventually Three people past away on that day, one of them was the host for Roda Impian, don't know what's his name heart attack in KLIA. Another one is one the same roll as where i stay. And the last one is my friend's mum. Is not worth it that she past away. She is just having supper with her friends and a guy who are DRUNK, ON DRUGS, speeds a car and that car some how crashed into a Proton Myvi and that whole Proton Myvi fly towards my friend's mum. That Proton Myvi hits her legs and non-stop bleeding. After that accident happen, my friend's mum still concious and she told her husband to pray for her. Enter hospital and she was in ICU for two weeks and unconcious at all yet just past away two days ago without waking up to see her relatives and all. As my friend on leave for a week just to be with her mum in ICU. That guy was alive and handcuff on level five and claim that he lost his memory. BUT one thing, i will surely bet on that guy will pleaded guilty of drunk driving, on drugs, speeding, crashing people's property and murdered. The guy will surely enter jail for life sentence or hang to death but i hope that guy will hang to death. Why there are such idiotic people which drink and drive yet one drug? i admit that i drink but i didn't drive becaue i know i'm not a good drinker. further more, i almostly drink with my parents but friends.

I went to my the funeral and i saw my friend was once a very cheerful yet a very strong and pretty girl became a very pale and full of tears of sadness in her eyes. What can i do? i can't help her much in that situation but just to attend her mum's funeral although i don't know her mum at all. And then i realise, i'm her only friend who came yesterday, those who knows about this incident but didn't show their faces. Not giving respect to her and her mum at all. "May God be with you Aunty, rest in peace."

Another day had pass until today, one of the lecturer called me yesterday and said today got intensive english class with Mr. Dean Johns. I thought was some bull shit class but turns out quite good. But he wants us to come to class on time, if not then he will sent us back home instead of comtinue the class. I was late but fortunaly i was able to stay in his class. Class finish around 1 o'clock noon. and until now nothing especial.

Bad Day

2006-06-22T11:35:00.000-07:00

Today is my most bad day of my entire 20 years life. I slept at 5 this morning and wake up at 1 in the afternoon, this is okay. Later on, my parents went for outstation and left me alone with nothing for my breakfast or lunch, so i had to drive myself out to buy one but i didn't because i'm going to college, thinking that can eat in college because i got meeting with college management regarding student board meeting. So, i went out at 2, reach college around 2.15 but have to find parking and wasting 30 minutes finding one. As i walk to college is already 2.55 and waited everyone who is involve in the meeting appear with an empty stomach for 5 minutes and in the end, none show up. I already forgot that this is malaysian time, stated that meeting start at certain time but in the end the actual meeting start half and hour after that time. So, i get myself a bread to eat as my breakfast and lunch.

So, thank god 3.30 the meeting start, few management gave their speeches. and started voting who will become this term's student board committee. the management ask us whether we wanted to choose all four presidents as committee member or open to everyone, and the result is? open to everyone to become committee. Fine, this is okay. but Who this is first name in the list that they again? one of the president from onedepartment. The second name in the list that they choose again? another president from another department. That time i'm already been tired of this because is wasting our time and so, I voice out this matter straight to the management : "Both of them who all of us choose are the presidents from two department, why don't we instead of open to everyone, we choose the presidents themselves because this will take quite a long time than rather choosing the presidents" as i am one of the president of another department. The management took action of it and including me, been choose out too, ask us to wait outside for a while when they vote who will become president, vide president, secretary, and treasurer of the student board committee. The result? i'm the vice president -.-" which i don't want to take any post because i just want to concerntrate on my studies; this is my final semester for this whole course. Fine, i just go with the flow !

The meeting ends at 4.15 and i have to rushing to school to fetch my sister back at 4.30 and i had to ran in the rain to get to the car. Fortunaly once i reach there at 4.30 and waited for my sister for 15 minutes. i'm telling myself, why i had to rush to fetch her? is wasting my petrol and driving fast on a wet road. DAMN i regreted. When i reach home, i start finding some things to eat, found hams and eggs and no instant noodles and bread too, so i took out two eggs and two hams and started cooking, what's the result? one of my finger accidentaly touch the stainless steel holder as i didn't notice and DAMN! my finger's skin is half cook.

Then i have to fetch my cousin back from LRT station at 6 and this is the time gone bad to worst. once i recieve my cousin's call, i drive my car out from my house, going thru one way thru and flow around bungalow and all those idiotic's cars which belongs bungalow park all their cars outside. and leave the car porch empty, occupied my line. is like the floor is made of gold. or crystal or diamond. And while i'm driving that road on the opposite line and another car is on the way heading me In the end, i mange to avoid that proton saga and my car totally went fish tail left and right and left and right again then left again. and i crash my car into a lamp post, passenger side beside the driver seat very damage very badly, quarter of my bend in went crashing to the lamp post. my door glass break and smash in my car, my front left tyre went into long kang. And embrassingly, i crash just right outside my friend's house. Fortunaly i didn't crash into Myvi which is few meters away from the lamp post and it's new. Ooh shit, this time i'm really in trouble. Straight away i called my parents what is going on while my parents is on the way back from outstation. My father called back and say the fore man is coming, wait for them and as my cousin, he is asking my neightbour to help out. While waiting for fore man to come, my neighbour stop by and see at the situation and my neighbour went off to fetch my cousin back from LRT. Is good to have a neighbour like my neighbour. My friend's neighbour came out and look at my car condition, a nice neighbour too, tell me that my car can drive out, just turn my steering to the left and reverse. I did as he told and finally my car is out from locking on the lamp post. Fortunaly i'm not fetching anyone and i'm glad no one's hurt altough i'm hurt a little but is just very minor and i'm very sorry to my friend's mother and her friends because scared the hell out of them and the stones is flying into her house. So, is my fault and i had to clean it up the mess but my friend's mother said that is okay, her husband wiill clean it up the mess.

I went home with my crashed car, fortunaly my engine is still working preperly, and my parents reach home, my brother reach home, and i kept quiet when they speak to me, answer what they ask. The first time i told my parents my car already skid more than 180 degrees at 40km per hour after changing my front tyres to a new pairs of tyres and my back tyres replace with front tyres fo my car and they thought i'm driving carelessly, now my dad suspect that my back suspension got problem and now only they believe.

"Tagged!" I been tagged by Elizabeth and Phooi Fun.

2006-06-22T11:23:00.000-07:00

- The tagged victim has to come up with 8 different points about his/her perfect lover.
- Have to mention the gender of his/her perfect lover.
- Tag eight other victims to join this game and leave a comment on their blog.
- If you are tagged the second time.There is NO need to do this again.
- Lastly, most importantly, HAVE FUN DOING IT.

My perfect lover? is it a fantasy or realistic? i'll go on fantasy then.
1. what guys want normally, pretty and sexy ( as i know i can't find one pretty and sexy but i think i can find it pretty and sexy in her heart. )
2. when she know when is playing time and when is serious.
3. wise and understanding.
4. caring and joyful
5. sometimes cute and sometimes pretty.
6. playful and joyful. but when come to serious, then is serious.
7. willing to join my group of friends as i'm willing to join her group to friends too.
8. able to communite.

and of course, i'm straight and not gay, so my perfect lover is a girl.

Now is my turn to tag my eight victims!!! but none of you all are the luckiest one because i don't play along with this tagging stuff.

Holidays

2006-05-21T11:01:00.000-07:00

I had two weeks holiday before my new semester re-open which is also the final semester for me. But within this two weeks holidays i didn't go anywhere, did nothing at all because i also don't know what to do. from the first day of holiday until also facing computer until late at night. Got a TV in the living room also didn't see whether nice movie to see, or nice programme to watch. I had already wasted my time for a week, what can i do for one more week? If i sitting down in the house for another week, is like locking myself in a cage, can't fly out especially at night. I seriously don't know what can i do.

Another thing is, next semester is my final semester, i don't know whether i'm scared to look forward or what because final semester is like facing biggest fear of all. I don't know whether i still can maintain the usually result or will drop, hopefully i can try my very best to finish this course of mine.

After finish this course, where will i work? Working with Astro? partner with my brother's friend? or going back to Pixel Post, my training place? or going to overseas to work? this is another hard time for me to think. A lot of people encourage me to go overseas to work IF i got the chance, but i'm still doubt of it because overseas exceptation is very high, must be very creative and all. But for me? i'm not good in creativity because my idea doesn't come often, my skill is not that good yet although my badge are the senior-est among the whole multimedia department. how good is my skill? how creative is my creativity? i still don't know until now and i'm already in final semester. What my badge did is way better than me, because of their concept, their design, their animation, their creativity is way ahead of me. How on earth can i compare with them? Can i still cope?

The more i'll think, the more upset i'll get, but it doesn't show on my face, on my expression.

hard

2006-05-15T08:08:00.000-07:00

is very hard to see your love from a normal person, can walk, talk, eat and laugh, then enters the small and tight coffin, with the coat on, cover with blanket, then sealed under a glass with another cloth on top; then later close the coffin, enter the car, travel to that temple and enter hot fire by one click of a button.

once we reach around three something in the afternoon on the day after my grandfather past away
my tears drop off bit by bit from the first day until the last day when my grandfather enters the fire. all of us are here, even the one from Beijing and UK also rush here. it was a very sad things to happen so fast.

these few days i didn't get enough sleep, slept at 6 something, 7 something, 8 something in the morning. need to do prayers and all. everyday got 3 to 4 session of praying, each session at least half and hour, and within that half and hour, we are standing, walking around and on our knee on the TAR road.

P&C

FINALLY but HARD

2006-05-11T05:52:00.000-07:00

after how many months didn't get enough of sleep, how mony hours i already wasted, how many trips imiss out. finally, i finish my semester 6 yesterday. now what i scared i'll re-sit my exam or taking back semester 6 because i scared i'll fail. -.-" god please help me in this.... -.-

basically 'FINALLY but HARD" is two different topic, but both of them are short and so recently, so i make it together.

anyway, have to ever feel that your close one slowly slip away. i felt down inside me but no expression of me shows that i'm down. yesterday one of my cousin's grandfather passed away around 5 something in the evening. today my granddad passed away around five something in the evening. althought i feel down, but my face got no expression.

Few minutes of stupidity

2006-04-27T22:54:00.000-07:00

today i did something stupid because of miscalculation.

i just reach home from college, the road were pack with lots of cars because primary school morning session after school. so i nicely open my main gate and drive my car into the car porch. i THOUGHT was okay but i miss judge my driving skill. the effect is, my car slowly hit my house's oldest cupboard ever in the world and my car got scratches and that cupboard broke two of the legs. and drop on the floor. and because of my miss calculation, the broom stick holder drop off one side, so in the end i have to hammer it back.

so, i nicely replace back the cupboard properly, went into my room and get change, and get down to do that holder. find a nail and a hammer and start hammering. the first few hit was okay, after that, i MISS calculate AGAIN and this time it hit my fingers. the middle finger bleed straight away and my second and my middle finger got internal bleeding as well.

and because of my MISCALCULATION, i have to suffer all of this. -.-"
and now i have to find a needle and pierce to get the blood out from my fingers. -.-"

Have you ever...

2006-04-10T18:22:00.000-07:00

have you ever feel something which one you think back, your heart will be hurt. Like a spear spear thru your heart.
i got this feeling, which i don't dare to walk another step forward.

when you friend with that person, you scared you will like that person.
when you feel that you like that person, you scared to love that person.
when you feel that you love that person, you scared someday you will loose that person.

because of this few sentence, i dare not to walk a step forward.
and i'm trying as hard as i can take THAT step forward.

Bangsar, Castle

2006-04-07T23:21:00.000-07:00

Today i was so frustrated, so stress, so tension because of some people and some stuff. i am seriously really wanted to go out and fortunaly my friend was asking going out yum cha. finally i can go out and release everything that i'm tense of. so Chian said that reach Von's house around 9.45 until 10.00pm. in the end, we all end up in jin's place because of that guy was too slow. and i was thinking of really going out yum cha, but see see we already end up in bangsar castle. before that we went to brickfields to buy a 12 years chivas as a price of duty free price, RM100.

so as i said, we end up in bangsar castle. the cover charge was still the same as last time RM25 and me and Chian went up first to castle followed by Wern Jin, Von and, Juin. then we find a place to sit and started drinking. i can't drink much because a girl stopping me from drinking, as in after the second glass of chivas with coke, she only allowed me to drink coke and that's it. but once the girls went out dancing, i fill a glass with chivas on the rock, and when i want to start drinking, she came back and stop me from drinking chivas and she said that she's going to sit here beside me with me, if not, i'll be start drinking behind her back again. and fortunaly she stop me from drinking, if not i'll drunk.

after a while more, she pull me out into the dance floor and started dancing with her. she pusposely did that because she don't want me to drink and another thing is she know's i got some problem and need to release it. and as i see my friend is trying very hard to release her's too. as we dance, we are trying to help each other to release something which need to be release and never come back. anyway, i really enjoying myself because there's a very good friend with me, helping me to release my pain and i hope i can do the same to my friend. i don't know whether she enjoy or not.

the whole castle been quiet down because the DJ said that's police block all around bangsar. and because we are still in the "drunk" or "high" mode. we cannot drive back home just like that because once police block and sense the smell of alcoholic drink, by that time, we are in clock up already. so we sat down on a mamak stall right opposite castle and i buy the whole table.

one of us was drunk, two of us was high but not drunk, another two was tired. once we sat until 3 something in the morning, we started walking into the car and drive around bangsar trying to get away fromt the road block.

what i said to my friend from the beginning until the end was the truth. this is the only time i let it go because i don't have a guts to do so until that time but i can seriously tell my friend that what i tell my friend is when i'm fully awake and not drunk.

anyway, tonight was a very good remembrance for me and everyone else.i'll never forget today, tonight.

Thank you my friends

2006-04-06T10:19:00.000-07:00

6 April was my birthday. and i thought was a the same thing every year although last year is some how different because my college friend plan my birthday in KL, Zouk KL. Thanks Jeff for last year's birthday it was cool man, thank you hui yee for your necklace, and thank you kar kean, faiz, pei sue for attending my birthday last year. and again thanks to jeff, if is not him, i won't be entering Zouk for free, thank you jeff for paying my share on that day, the beers, the black label, and that cup of cuppocino. I type all these above because i don't have a blog last year. So today is my birthday, i will type all in one.

This year's birthday i thought was the same as the olden days. but my thoughts are wrong, just now i realise, i got almost 10 testimonial, and around 15 smses, that is the most wishes i get from my friends among all these years. thanks to my junior Wai Lun, my god sister Yee Ling, my niece Chian Wuen, my cousin Melissa, and my friends Lai Yee, Mei Jin, Wai Ling, Joanna, Pui Ling, Pei Yan, Kha Liang for wishing me by smsing me. thanks to Kha Jie, Nicole Ngiam and Andre Law for messaging thru my friendster. thanks to Stephanie, DJ'E n K (know him from friendster), Libra (can't recall her name), Chih Shun, esther wong, Rebecca Bong, Kai Hsin, Caney, Nicole from friendster, Cerine and Yi Hua for wishing by typing testimonial to me. thanks to Wen Yi and Weng Hong for wishing me by calling me. thanks to Shu Wen and Soo Wei for wishing me on msn. thank you Rebecca Bong and Chun Yow for your card and also another one Angela for the lunch. and thanks to my friend James for your sms and your present. I thought you have forgoten my birthday. Finally is finish, if not will go on forever!!!

The most important i need to thanks to is Yi Chian for forgeting my birthday and planned a simple, small, but nice yet wonder birthday party in Sri Petaling ' Taste Walking ' just for me. thank you again to Yi Chian,Yi Juin, Yvonne Ng, Wern Jin, Raymond for attending, paying for my small but delicious cheese cake, and my ice blended mango. It was a very good surprise for me, because it was started with a dinner with my friends outside. but instant of having dinner with my friends, i had my dinner with my family then only join my friends. We tooks pictures together, and with some nice post too. tonight was an awesome night for me. thanks girls and guy too.there was a lack of few people but is in overseas, but i hope Sue Lynn was here celebrating together too. this year was the year that most people wishing happy birthday.

Anyway, this was the first time ever that i celebrate my birthday like this. although was a simple one but then it was a awesome night for me. and thanks again Yi Chian, Yvonne Ng and wern Jin telling me some breaking news and something funny stuff to me and some breaking news for me too. (^.^)

i really hope this moment with you all tonight can really last forever. but of course, the more, the better, and the more the marrier.

BLUR

2006-04-05T08:59:00.000-07:00

i have a very good package, this particular package has very good offer, the only one package free a lot of stuff and also has those files and folders where lecturer gave us for our notes and we need to do some reseach on this.the name of this package sometimes call freelance jobs, sometimes call assignments, sometimes even call projects.Those free things where come along with this packages was: tired, stress out, tension and blur.

I'm very blur right now, and i'm seriously very damn tired, had been stressed out, very tension because of that kind of package, i have to rush all my assignments and freelance jobs. these two days ago, because of this package, i done and still doing this package and i slept around 5.00am or 6.00am something early in the morning. i have to finish up all this assignments within this end of this month. there are one scrap book abour web banner, the reseach about director ridley scott, 50 scamps, a website, three press Ads, one TVC (TV commcercial), one expriemental movie called ' illegal street racing. why don't i get very stressful, very tension, very tired and very blur.

besides of rushing my assignments, there is freelance job too where i need to key out all the green screen from a shot. there are 51 shots for me to key out the green screen. the due date for this freelance job is this friday, 7 april and i still got 30 shots to go. the hardest part of keying this green screen is, how the director in that movie direct how the green looks like. this 51 shots which i'm doing now gave me a very hard time, because the director sucks. he ask his men to paint the wall with paip and air ventilation in green because this is a low budget movie. the green screen is not perfect green also; there are gradient green and also paip shadows on the so call green screen.

i also don't know whether i still be able and manage or to finish not only this freelance job and so is my assignments. i don't know even know whether my brain is still functioning right or not, because now i'm feeling very very tired, very very sleepy, and i'm having a little headache now as i'm typing this blog. i had use almosr two hours just to type this blog.

i think i really have to go already, if i stand like this longer, i think i wouldn't be able to wake up tomorrow and do website.

Q & A

2006-03-31T08:37:00.000-08:00

Since my friend Wen Whing passed this ' wonderful ' yet ' beautiful ' baton to me, and here goes...

My earliest memory...
i remembered was... That day was after primary afternoon session, sitting on the bus going back home, once the bus reach my house, i walk down the bus and as i walk a few steps, i accidentally step on a shattered bricks and i fell face down on the ground and my head hit another shattered pieces of bricks, when i got up, blood flows almost like water from my face until my school uniform. That time my mom was so scared and straight away called my dad and sent me to clinic, she's also afraid i might lost an eye because the blood cover up the whole of my one eye. Because of this incident, i stayed at home for a week and going to clinic three or four times in that week.

At school I...
usually talks a lot in the school, no matter primary school, secondary school or until in college now, i still talks a lot. And i was a hot tempered guy when i was in primary and was a very hot tempered in secondary school. But now, i already know how i control my feelings, my tempered and all.

My first relationship...
was quite a long time ago.

I wish I had never worn...
just only a swimming trunk with a few cloth on me for cat walk during 2005 graduation night in Pan Pasific Hotel because i'm the only guy who only wearing a swimming trunk and have to showspare tires out and my partner is the only girl which wears a bikini but with no spare tires. This is the differents.

My mother and father always tell me...
to try your best in everything, no matter what result you get is not important. In the end the, the most important one is how much you will be earning with you are working...

I wish I had...
more time to do all my assignments and freelance job, 24 hours is not enough for me to finish everything when the deadline is very near.

I wish I hadn't....
think too much about the past, think too much about my loses, makes me tension, stress, sad and very frust.

At home I cook...
little bit of western food, little bit of italian food, little bit of chinese food, but more to instant noodles...

When I was a child, I wanted to...
get me free from this cage, until now... i still wish that i could get out from this cage and survive..

The book that changed my life is...
currently and the past had that type of influences to influence me. Not even one yet..

If only I would...
get good grades for this course, to be more creavtive in thinking, use more of my right brain. Using un-comment commen sense to solve our problem.

Friends say that I am...
crazy

What I don't find amusing is...
call other people to chill, relax and drive slow...
but all indicate to me too.

I often wonder...
whether going off to overseas or not?
whether malaysia suits me or not?
whether is there any job for me in malaysia once i finish studying?
whether am i going on the right track?
whether is this course is what i want?
when i can start a relationship which can really last forever?
is this stress, tension, tired and frust should be in college life or university life?

I'm passing the baton to...
basically everyone who read this post, just copy and paste the questions to your blog.
Have a nice day everybody!! take care

Pissed Off

2006-03-25T02:44:00.000-08:00

Today i was so pissed off with something happen in college these two days ago.

The first thing was yesterday case, where me and my friend need to use the editing room from college, already inform my head lecturer about friday but then that idiotic guy has taken that editing room key and bringing them to lunch. And more that was 12pm NOT even 1pm. All lecturers and all stuffs' lunch time is 1pm until 2pm and he went for lunch from 12pm until 2pm. He should bring back the key to the office before he go for lunch and go for lunch. I'm already been pissed off, we need the editing room urgently because we need to edit a TVC urgently for the competition. At last we can't stand and went back home, Bloodly Idiotic SIVA is that guy's name.

The second thing was today for eveything, from the start, WE as multimedia design students shouldn't take illustration for this term and shouldn't take it thru out this course, thru out this two and a half years. I already ask the management and this they encourage us to take this subject for this term. Now we got DAMN a lot of assignments to do and rush because we cannot finish them in time!!!! because of one subject more and we are very lack of time, 24 hours is not even enough for us nowadays. Then this morning having this STUPID illustraion class again, the lecturer went crazy and called us to draw life sketching and finish them up within a certain time, which is 5, 3, and 2 minutes time using pencils. That is really darn crazy, is bloodly impossible to finish that within that time because we NOT A PRO...and that is what graphic design should do; NOT us from multimedia design!!! that is okay, FINE, after efw life sketches with pencils, that lecturer said we have to change out drawing materials which is from pencils change to chinese ink and brush. OKAY FINE, let it be, go on a while more, that stupid bloodly lecturer said we have to finish a life sketching within 3 minutes, with style only three lines and use chinese ink and brush to do gradient. THAT bloodly idiotic lecturer didn't EVEN teach us how to do what to do and straight away call us to draw, what kind on earth is this lecturer is? walking around with that nokia 3310 to time us and yet call all of us to redo everything and which we are lack of time!!!

Lastly, we are surpose to help our lecturer to paint green screen the whole day today and that bloodly illustration lecturer only gave us out at 1pm which is class finished, our own department lecturer was waiting for us like one two hours ago and he bought lunch for us, but this stupid bloodly idiotic illustration lecturer not allowed.